Swapsies
by Chakat StarDust
Summary: Loki, a spell gone wrong, and all the Avengers swap bodies. Hilarity and revelations occur
1. Chapter 1

Star: New story, hope you all enjoy!

"**Why is it that Loki, now that he's escaped from Asgard, wastes his time annoying us?"** Tony demanded, dodging a giant-sized stuffed duck that had been brought to life by Thor's crazy brother.

"**Maybe he just wants some attention."** Natasha, aka the scariest woman alive said; which was quite a feat, seeing as Tony knew the one and only Pepper Potts.

"**Maybe you should try giving him a hug then**." Tony advised.

"**Chatter."** Steve, aka Captain Tightass, sighed, for probably the thousandth time. Tony didn't hate Steve, truly, the two of them had gotten over their little lover's quarrel, Barton's words, not his, on the Hellicarrier long ago, Tony just thought that Steve could stand to loosen up in the field a little. At home he was perfectly relaxed, out here he was Mister Tightwad who couldn't take a joke.

"**Oh come on!" **Clint, aka Legolas, yelled. **"Damned velveteen rabbit just ate my last explosive arrow and didn't explode." **

"**Well, Hulk's about to land on it, so you might want to get out of the way." **Agent Coulson, aka Agent BADASS, said. The guy had been only dead for about two minutes apparently. Tony had it on good authority that Fury had narrowly dodged an arrow to his good eye and a knife to his nads over that one.

The Hulk landed on the rabbit, tearing it apart at the seams with the force of his landing. Tony heard Thor, aka the God of Hair Products, bellowing for his brother to cease his madness. **"We should make sure Loki doesn't turn him into a corgi again." **Agent Coulson sighed. The battle was won, so Tony shrugged and everyone found their way to the ground level where Thor was talking at an extremely unamused looking Loki.

Loki sneered when they all came around to watch the show. He lowered the head of his scepter, not the Chitauri one, thank god, at Thor's chest and Thor lunged at him, knocking him off balance. A bright light exploded in front of Tony's face and for a moment he was blind and then staggered, feeling strangely off-balance.

"Whoa, whoa, what the hell-" Tony suddenly stopped talking, because his voice sounded wrong. Not only that but he felt wrong and his armour seemed to be gone. He looked down at himself and raised an eyebrow. "Okay, those are not mine."

He (she?) ducked in time to avoid getting hit in the face by whoever was in the Iron Man armour now. The armour plowed right into the street. "Aww, come on, I just got that fixed." Tony whined. Mostly everyone was staring around looking perplexed, except Clint, Steve and Coulson (shocker there).

"Well, this is interesting." Steve sighed. "Agent Coulson here, sound off Avengers, let me know who's who. Hawkeye?"

"Present." Agent Coulson, or rather Birdbrain, said, raising a hand. "You know when I said I'd like to get inside you, this isn't what I meant."

"Not on the job, Hawkeye." Coulson said patiently. "Black Widow."

"Here." Natasha, in Clint's body, said. "Whoever is in my body, keep your hands off my breasts."

"Don't worry, I have no intention of getting ganked by you." Tony said.

"I'm guessing Tony is currently in Natasha's body." Coulson sighed. "Captain America?" The Iron Man armour raised one hand and waved. "Thor?"

"Aye!" Loki, or Thor, bellowed, waving merrily.

"Dr. Banner?" Coulson-Steve asked. Thor (Bruce) raised his hand. "Oh…. Dear god." Everyone, except Steve who was still face planted into the pavement, turned to look at Loki, who was currently in the body of Bruce Banner. Thankfully he was de-Hulked, but Loki looked extremely nervous, brown eyes huge in his pale face. "Dr. Banner, has the Hulk been transferred with you?"

"No." Bruce-Thor said. "I can't feel him."

"Oh, that's just brilliant." Clint-Coulson groused. Loki-Bruce looked even paler and he was starting to breathe heavily. Bruce-Thor moved awkwardly towards him and Loki-Bruce backed away, baring his teeth.

"Don't, don't do that." Bruce-Thor said, keeping his hands up where Loki-Bruce could see them. "Try to stay calm, breathe deeply, he's probably tired out, so it shouldn't be too bad, just breathe, breathe." Slowly Loki-Bruce obeyed, breathing in time with Bruce-Thor.

"We should get him to containment." Coulson-Steve whispered. "Barton."

"Tash, bow please." Clint-Coulson said. Natasha-Clint tossed him the bow and Clint-Coulson took out his tranq arrow. It was about the only thing that would knock out Bruce or the Hulk. They had never actually had to use it though, since Hulk was surprisingly calm, when no one was shooting at him. Bruce still believed he would go on a rampage though, and insisted on the tranq. Clint-Coulson took his shot and Loki-Bruce fell silently to the ground.

"Does someone want to help me out of this?" Steve-Tony asked.

"Yeah, Steve, say override protocol striptease." Tony said with a grin.

"You've got to be kidding me." Steve-Tony sighed. "Override protocol striptease." The armour came apart around him and he stood up, holding his ribs. "Ow."

"Welcome back to healing normally." Tony said cheerfully. Steve-Tony gave him the stink-eye. "Surprised you're not jumping for joy, Agent."

"We have work to do." Coulson-Steve said, his normal neutral tone sounding strange coming from Steve's mouth. "We need to get back to the Tower, get the paperwork started."

"Why doesn't it surprise me that you have paperwork for this?" Bruce-Thor sighed.

"It this point I wouldn't be surprised if they had paperwork for your dick suddenly breaking out into song." Tony muttered.

"Actually…" Clint-Coulson started. Natasha-Clint smacked him over the head.

"What about the armour?" Steve-Tony asked.

"Oh yeah, say run protocol E.T. phone home." Tony said. Steve-Tony gave him a look that suggested he thought Tony was operating with a couple of loose screws.

"Run protocol E.T. phone home." Steve-Tony sighed. The armour lifted off in pieces, zooming towards the Tower. "Okay then."

"Come on team, let's get back to base." Coulson-Steve sighed as a couple of SHIELD vehicles pulled up amidst the reporters and bystanders that were starting to flock around. "Someone grab Thor, make it look like we're taking Loki in."

Bruce-Thor shrugged and grabbed Thor-Loki's arm. Thor-Loki went docilely, grinning like a little kid. Apparently being turned into one's brother was entertaining. Tony shrugged and walked over to the car. His hips swayed, distracting him and nearly making him trip.

"Good god, how do you move with these things?" He demanded as they got in the car, grabbing at his hips. Natasha-Clint raised an eyebrow at him, and he promptly shut up. Not for long, though. "So, how does it feel to have a penis, Ms. Romanov?"

"How does it feel to know that you could get a period now?" Natasha-Clint replied with a smirk.

"Okay, so the smirk isn't quite as terrifying on Barton's face, but still scary." Tony said. "And, touché."

"How long do you think this will last?" Bruce-Thor asked, lacing his fingers together nervously.

"It depends on the spell." Thor-Loki said, frowning. "Some wear off on their own, some need the counter-spell. We will have to ask Loki."

"Yeah, and how much you wanna bet he's not going to answer us?" Clint-Coulson asked sourly.

"It would be to his advantage to regain his power." Thor-Loki said thoughtfully.

"So that didn't go with him?" Steve-Tony asked, still holding onto his ribs.

"Nay." Thor-Loki said. "I can feel it beneath my skin, tis a curious sensation, but not unpleasant. I will refrain from trying to use it however."

"Probably wise." Coulson-Steve said. "We've got Loki captured, and now he's screwing around with us without really meaning to, something I think he'll enjoy."

"We'll see how much he enjoys it when the Hulk gets angry." Bruce-Thor muttered.

"My worry is that because he did this accidently, he might not even know how to reverse it." Natasha-Clint said. All of them were silent, contemplating the implications of that.

Author's Note: The idea for this story came from this piece of art ( cargsdoodles. tumblr post/25652283252/ body-swaps-for-wibblety). Just take out the spaces and you should be able to see it.


	2. Chapter 2

Star: I own nothing!

Pepper Potts prided herself on being startled by very little. Years of working with Tony Stark had given her a blasé attitude towards the strange. However, when the Avengers stumbled out of the elevator and Natasha danced up to her and planted a loving kiss upon her face, she was definitely taken aback.

"That's Tony." Steve sighed. "We got hit by a spell and we've all switched bodies."

"Stark, I swear, stop touching my breasts!" Clint, or rather Natasha, growled at Tony-Natasha, who was rubbing at his (her?) breasts.

"But they're sore." Tony-Natasha whined. "Pepper, how do you wear bras all the time?"

"Welcome to life with a female body, Stark." Natasha-Clint said with a roll of her eyes.

"Okay, so who is everyone so I can keep things straight?" Pepper asked with a sigh. She readjusted her thinking as they named themselves off; she was also thinking about all the meetings and such that she was going to have to reschedule. "Where's Bruce's body?" She asked.

"Currently occupied by Loki and in the Cage downstairs." Tony-Natasha said. They'd kept the Cage on both Fury and Bruce's insistence, since Bruce was still convinced that one day the Hulk was going to hurt someone. Pepper had been worried about that at first, but in all their battles the Hulk had never shown any inclination to hurt anyone but the bad guys. In fact he seemed to like Tony the best.

"Tis a strange thing." Thor-Loki said, flexing his fingers. "My strength is not the same."

"I sincerely hope you're not going to be sending them out like this." Pepper said to Coulson-Steve sternly.

"Of course not, Miss Potts." He said with a bland smile, which looked completely wrong on Steve's face. "We'll pull in Omega Team, they're ready for field work."

"What, that ragtag group of kids?" Clint-Coulson asked.

"They've been doing well." Coulson-Steve replied evenly.

"So we're standing down for now?" Bruce-Thor asked. His customary attempts to make himself look as small as possible were not working at all. Pepper wondered how he felt knowing he didn't have the Hulk shadowing him all the time.

"It's probably a good idea." Steve-Tony said, folding his arms. "It would be far too easy for us to hurt ourselves or someone else like this."

"Aye-aye, Captain." Tony-Natasha said with a salute. "Pepper, come help me out of this thing." He called as he sauntered towards their room, tripping on the way. Natasha-Clint sighed in exasperation.

"I'll try to make sure he doesn't do any damage." Pepper told her with a smile. "I guess we'll keep girl's night to the Tower for now." Natasha-Clint nodded in agreement. Pepper hurried off to help Tony-Natasha before he hurt himself.

He was struggling out of Natasha's suit when she came in. "Pepppeeeerrrr." He whined. "This thing is so tight, why is it so tight?"

"Your body suit for under the armour is just as tight." Pepper reminded him sternly, helping him get the suit down over his hips. He pouted, which resulted in Natasha's face looking like a small child, which was very disconcerting.

"Yeah, but I usually don't have all these bits that stick out and make it harder to get off." Tony-Natasha said, standing in his bra and underwear. Pepper shook her head and turned away to see if she could find something for Tony-Natasha to wear. When she turned back around Tony-Natasha was trying to reach behind himself to take off the bra. "No Tony." She laughed. "You need to keep that on."

"But it's uncomfortable." Tony-Natasha whined.

"Mm-hm." Pepper agreed. Tony-Natasha scowled at her.

"You're going to hold this over me forever, aren't you?" He demanded.

"Whatever would give you that idea, Mr. Stark?" Pepper asked innocently. Tony-Natasha grumbled and looked down at himself.

"You know, I always knew Natasha had scars, 'cause she gets herself hurt sometimes too, but wow." He said, smoothing his hands over a crater-shaped scar on Natasha's stomach. Pepper had known of course, girls' night got deep sometimes, but it was always a little saddening to see the scars from stab wounds, bullets and other injuries on any of the people she cared about.

The notable exceptions to having scars that kept Pepper up at night were Steve, Thor and Bruce, although she could argue that their scars were of the mental and emotional kind. She cared about all of them, which had come as a surprise to her. She'd been wary of all of them at first, knowing their presence encouraged Tony's risky behaviour.

Time went on though, and she found a kindred soul in lamenting the idiocy of men in Natasha, and someone else who was willing to pull Tony out of his workshop and make him eat and sleep in Steve. She hadn't counted on the Avengers giving Tony a place to belong as much as he gave them a place to belong, and she was grateful for them, for every time she woke up in the middle of the night and found Tony laughing as he beat Clint at Mario Kart instead of staring glassy-eyed at a tumbler of scotch or manically working on some useless trinket until he exhausted himself. So yes, Pepper Potts liked the Avengers.

"Oh god, what is on this shirt?" Tony-Natasha demanded, staring at it. "Is that a kitten?"

"You can wear one of your own shirts, but I wouldn't advise wearing your own pants, unless they're sweatpants." Pepper said. Tony-Natasha flapped a hand at her and rummaged through the drawers himself.

"JARVIS, have you adjusted the protocols accordingly?" Tony-Natasha asked.

"**Yes, sir, I think you may want to inform the bots yourself of your change, though I'm not sure Dummy will understand."** JARVIS replied.

"Yeah, that'll be fun." Tony-Natasha said. "Order some pizza for us will you?"

"**I shall adjust the order accordingly." **JARVIS replied.

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea." Tony-Natasha shuffled into a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt that was oversized on Natasha's body. "Come on, I bet Agent wants to set up rules."

Tony-Natasha was right, Phil-Steve was waiting for them all with a stack of paperwork, along with Nick Fury, who only looked vaguely annoyed by all of this. "Oh hey, Nick, how's this for a fun time?" Tony-Natasha asked.

"Ain't the first time people have found themselves in each other's bodies." Fury replied. "Doctor Strange has gone AWOL though and we can't seem to contact any other of the magic-users we've got on file. Most went underground after the Battle of Manhattan."

"So we're stuck unless Loki knows how to reverse this." Bruce-Thor said.

"Exactly." Fury said. "And who knows if that motherfucker will actually help."

"Can't try and use force on him either, unless we want the Hulk after us." Steve-Tony said. "Tony, could I talk to you after this?" He asked. Tony-Natasha looked up at him from inspecting his painted nails.

"What, oh sure Cap, no problem." He said with a wave of his hands. "Alright Agent, what's the rules?"

"I'd say that we should stick to the Tower for now." Phil-Steve said. "No modifications of each other's bodies, no sex."

"Damn, there goes my idea." Tony-Natasha muttered. Natasha-Clint threw him a look of death. "Alright, alright, point taken, don't kill me."

"Also, if you have powers now, for fuck's sake, try not to use them." Nick Fury said. "Last time people switched bodies one of them nearly blew up the base because all the sudden they had the ability to create fire."

"Yeah, I can see how that could be a problem." Bruce-Thor deadpanned. "Anything else?"

"Just try and get Loki to cooperate." Fury said, striding out.

"Pizza should be here soon." Tony-Natasha commented. "Cap, you wanted to talk?" Steve-Tony took Tony-Natasha by the arm and led him away from the others. Pepper had some idea of what Steve-Tony wanted to talk about and hoped that Tony-Natasha would for once in his life not try to evade telling the truth.


	3. Chapter 3

Star: I own nothing!

Tony=Natasha's boy, Steve=Tony's body, Thor=Loki's body, Loki= Bruce's body, Bruce= Thor's body, Coulson= Steve's body, Natasha= Clint's body, Clint= Coulson's body

Steve knew he had to be careful. Tony was notoriously stubborn, and delighted in it. Steve had learned early on that any attempt to press Tony , to push him along, would result in Tony digging in his heels and refusing, even if what Steve was trying to do would help him. So, if Steve wanted answers, he'd have to coax them out of Tony.

"Tony," He said softly, looking around to make sure they were alone. "What is this?" He asked, lifting his shirt up to reveal the thing stuck in his (Tony's) chest. They'd all seen the blue light through Tony's clothes, and they figured it had something to do with the armour, but this thing was actually going inside Tony, and it could be removed.

Tony hesitated, chewing at his lip. The expression on Natasha's face was extremely vulnerable. "Well it's not something that's going to blow up on you, if that's what you're asking." Tony finally joked.

"Tony, I'm in your body." Steve reminded him softly. "I don't want to do any damage to you, and whatever this is, I'm betting it's important, so please, I need to know."

"It's an arc reactor." Tony sighed. "Like the one that powers the Tower?" Steve nodded in understanding. "I got hurt, few years back. There's bits of shrapnel swimming around in my blood, and if they get to my heart, they'll basically shred it. The arc reactor acts like an electromagnet, keeps the shrapnel from my heart."

"Is there anything that I need to be doing with it?" Steve asked.

"Need to change out the core every so often, that's easy enough though, I'll show you when it needs it." Tony said.

"Is it possible for it to be damaged, during a fight I mean?" Steve asked, keeping his voice even. Showing Tony he was agitated was the worst thing that he could do right now. He wanted to shake Tony, to yell at him for keeping something like this to himself, for not telling anyone so they could help him.

"Yeah." Tony shrugged his shoulders. "It's happened. I've got spares, just go down to the workshop and change it out."

"Tony, what would happen if it was damaged, and you were unconscious, if you couldn't get the new arc reactor yourself?" Steve asked.

"Cut me some slack, I'm not completely stupid." Tony grumbled. "If something like that happened, JARVIS would walk the team through it, come on Cap, I don't have that much of a death wish."

"I know, I know." Steve soothed. "It's just, we'd like to keep you around Tony, so it'd be nice to know how to help you if something goes wrong."

"Eh, well, now you know." Tony said casually.

"I won't say anything to the others, unless you want me to." Steve promised. "I'm sure you have your reasons for not telling us."

"Yeah, yeah, are we done?" Tony asked impatiently. "I got some bots to deal with."

"Yeah, we're done. Say hi to Dummy for me." Steve said with a smile. Tony's bots were a source of fond amusement for him. Every time Steve went down to the workshop, at least one of them would follow him around whistling and clicking at him until he gave them a high five. He thought they were cute, Tony called them nuisances.

Tony brushed by Steve, sauntering towards the elevator. "You handled that well." Miss Potts commented, sidling up to Steve. While she was no Black Widow, Miss Potts was rather good at sneaking up on people.

"I knew that if I got angry or upset he wouldn't say anything." Steve said with a shrug. "I've learned."

"Hmm, yes, Tony can be… difficult." Miss Potts said, a fond smile playing about her lips. Steve nodded in understanding.

"Someone hurt him, didn't they? Someone used the arc reactor to hurt Tony." Steve guessed. Miss Potts inhaled sharply, which was an answer in itself. "You don't have to tell me."

"Tony learned early on that he couldn't trust people." Miss Potts said slowly. "He had those he trusted, but they were few and far between. Very few people knew about the arc reactor, very few still do, me, Rhodey, JARVIS and now you."

"You don't have to say any more." Steve said gently. Miss Potts' eyes were suspiciously shiny. She shook her head.

"I want you to understand." She said. "Someone he trusted, someone he thought he could trust, you're right. And he learned that he shouldn't trust."

"So when we came into the picture…"

"He likes you, he does, in his own way, and that's incredible." Miss Potts said with an incredulous smile. "And what's more incredible is all of you like him back."

"Well, it's not that incredible." Steve said defensively.

"Tony isn't easy to get along with." Miss Potts said. "He's… an acquired taste, one most people just don't stick around long enough for."

"I'm guessing he's gotten used to that." Steve said.

"People leave, that's the one thing that Tony's always known." Miss Potts said. "He probably still thinks you'll all get tired of him, or decide he's not worth it. Why do you think he pushes himself so hard, takes the risks he does?"

"I thought it was something like that." Steve said. At first he thought Tony was just trying to be the big hero, or that he had a death wish, but as time went on he slowly realized there was something more going on, but he couldn't ask Tony about, Tony wouldn't have told him.

"Sometimes I'm not sure he thinks that I'm going to stay, though part of that is my fault." Miss Potts admitted. "Don't tell him I've told you all this, he'd feel like it's a bit of a betrayal. That's just the way his mind works."

"I know." Steve replied. "Thank you, for confiding in me."

"You're hardly the first Avenger that I've poured out my woes to." Miss Potts said with a smile.

"Natasha?" Steve asked. Miss Potts nodded. "Tony thinks you're conspiring together."

"Well, he wouldn't be far off." Miss Potts said with a faint smile.

"So, the arc reactor…" Steve trailed off, not sure what he wanted to say. Miss Potts' smile faltered.

"It keeps him alive, but also fuels his need to do something right." She said. "I know that probably doesn't make much sense to you, but… For me it's a reminder, that's he's going to keep throwing himself out there until there's nothing left, or he dies."

"We do our best to keep him from dying, ma'am." Steve said.

"I know." Miss Potts replied. "And you've done a wonderful job. He comes home with less injuries than he used to, you know?"

"We try, ma'am." Steve said. "He doesn't make it easy though."

"I know, trust me, I know." Miss Potts replied with an eye roll. "But the first time he went out, and he came home with all those bullet holes in the armour…" She shook her head. "Every time he comes home and he doesn't have to spend time in medical I breathe a sigh of relief. And that's something I could never do for him, I couldn't have his back out there. Even Rhodey… I think Rhodey would have done it, but Tony I think would have found it smothering, like Rhodey was trying to protect him, like he thought Tony didn't know what he was doing."

"Is Rhodes going to be around any time soon?" Steve asked.

"I already called him. He says he can't get up until tomorrow, but I promised to tell him anything funny Ton does in the meantime." Miss Potts said with a smile. "Sorry, for unloading this on you, I just sometimes feel…"

"Overwhelmed?" Steve guessed. Miss Potts nodded, biting at her lip. She opened her mouth to say more, but a sudden, muffled roar made her stop and stare down at the floor.

"Hulk's awake." Steve said, completely unnecessarily.


	4. Chapter 4

Star: I own nothing!

Reminder: Tony=Natasha's body, Natasha=Clint's body, Clint= Coulson's body, Coulson= Steve's body, Steve= Tony's body, Bruce= Thor's body, Thor= Loki's body, Loki= Bruce's body

Bruce was up and running the instant he heard the Hulk bellow. Of course being bigger than he was used to he managed to smash into the wall and then into Coulson, who, being in Steve's body, barely even moved.

"Dr. Banner." Coulson said calmly.

"Loki must have woken up and gotten mad." Bruce said, flexing his hands.

"And now Hulk is freaking out." Tony said, running up and nearly tripping over himself. "JARVIS, how's the cage holding up?" He asked as the rest of the team ran into the living room.

"**The cage is currently holding up, the Hulk seems more intent on doing damage to himself." **The AI replied.

"Damage to himself, what do you mean?" Steve asked.

"**The Hulk appears to be clawing at himself and bellowing something. Unfortunately I can't make it out." **JARVIS said apologetically.

"No worries JARVIS." Tony said. "Didn't make you with Hulk-speaking capabilities."

"**Perhaps you should, it would be about the same as trying to communicate with you when you are intoxicated or have gone without sleep for a few days." **JARVIS said drily.

"Are you trying to tell me something?" Tony demanded.

"**I'm not sure what you are referring to, sir." **JARVIS replied innocently.

"Okay, Hulk's freaking out, what do we do?" Clint asked, cutting Tony off before he could get into another argument with his AI.

"I think we should go see what's eating the big guy." Tony replied.

"Tony, that's-"

"Hulk likes me, he'll talk to me." Tony said. "I think we owe it to him to explain that we're not trying to keep him caged, which means the whole team should be there. He trusts us, you know?"

"I guess so." Bruce said doubtfully.

"Hey, he's willing to take orders from Cap, so he trusts us." Tony said. "Come on Brucie, time to face your inner monster, literally."

Bruce sighed and followed Tony to the elevator. Tony made the thing ridiculously huge, so they could all cram in with extra space for them all. He shifted, not sure how to stand without accidently bumping someone still. Thor was big, that much he knew, but he never really realized just how big Thor was until he was trying to pilot his body around and not destroy everything in his path.

When they got down to the level with the cage, Bruce found himself shaking a little. How the hell was he supposed to deal with the Hulk? His teammates said the Hulk wasn't an out of control monster, but he had his doubts. What if the Hulk hurt someone, got out of the cage, what then?

Tony just waltzed right up to the cage, where the Hulk was stumbling around, roaring and beating his fists on the ground. "Hey big guy, what's the matter?" He asked. The Hulk looked up and around and stomped up to the glass in front of Tony.

"Red." He growled at Tony.

"Nope, it's Tony, we got ourselves all switched up." Tony said.

"Where tiny Bruce?" Hulk demanded. "Tiny Bruce not inside Hulk, puny god inside Hulk. HULK WANT PUNY GOD OUT!" He roared, smashing his fists against the cage.

"We know, and we want him out too." Tony soothed. He turned and looked at Bruce, gesturing for him to come closer. Bruce hesitated. "Banner, get your big blonde ass over here." Tony demanded. Bruce rolled his eyes and walked up to the glass. Hulk looked down at him, brow scrunched up.

"I'm Bruce." He said, trying not to let his voice tremble.

"Bruce in Thunder body." Hulk rumbled. "Puny god in Hulk body." He added.

"Yeah, Loki's spell went wrong and we all got switched." Bruce explained. "We're working on it." Hulk pursed his lips, frowning.

"Not good, tiny Bruce be with Hulk." Hulk said. "Hulk protect tiny Bruce."

"Protect me?" Bruce repeated.

"Hulk always protect tiny Bruce." Hulk growled. "Hulk make bad things go away from tiny Bruce."

Bruce looked at Tony, who had a triumphant, 'I told you so' grin on his face. "That looks so unnatural." Bruce commented.

"Do not worry, Hulk." Thor said. Hulk looked at him and snarled. "I am Thor, right now." Hulk snorted at him. "We will figure out how to reverse what my brother has done and you will be with Bruce again."

"Good." Hulk rumbled.

"You want out of there big guy?" Tony asked. "You wanna go upstairs and watch a movie?"

"Monsters?" Hulk asked, sounding to Bruce's ears hopeful. Wasn't that something, too?

"Yeah, we can watch Monsters Inc. if you want." Tony said casually. He went over to the control panel and unlocked the cage. The Hulk walked out, ducking his head to avoid hitting it. He stood right in front of Bruce, who had to resist the urge to run away.

"Tiny Bruce, no get in trouble." Hulk growled, poking a finger into Bruce's chest.

"We've been pulled off superhero duty until we're back in our right bodies." Steve said. "It's Steve, Hulk." He added.

"Magic bad." Hulk grumbled.

"No arguments from me, big Green." Clint quipped. "Clint here." Everyone else introduced themselves as they went back to the elevator, which was even big enough to hold the Hulk with some room to spare. Still, Bruce found himself pressed up against a giant green arm, able to hear the Hulk's lungs pumping air in and out like a massive pair of bellows.

Bruce's mind was going into overdrive, trying to reconcile his view of the Hulk with what he had just seen. The Hulk's primary concern seemed to be protecting him, in the only way he knew how, which happened to be smashing things. It made sense, in a way. Anger was a trigger, and anger usually meant he was in trouble in some form. The Hulk understood anger very well, he was born of it. Could it be that being able to come out more often meant that he was starting to understand more emotions too?

Bruce was too wound up to think up a decent theory at the moment. The Hulk stamped out of the elevator when they got upstairs and went over to the TV, flopping down on the floor with a resounding crash. The rest of them wandered over and sat on the couches and chairs. Hulk grabbed Bruce as he tried to sidle by, making him sit.

"Bruce stay." Hulk growled.

"Okay, okay." Bruce said.

"Hey Hulk, you only protect Bruce?" Clint asked as the movie got started.

"Birdie like to jump off buildings." Hulk said, and it sounded like disapproval. "Hulk have to catch Birdie, Birdie go splat."

"Hey, I only jump when I know someone's around to catch me." Clint protested. "Iron Ass over there is the one who takes the most risks."

"Tony don't." Hulk growled in agreement, glaring at Tony. Tony threw up his hands and adopted an innocent look.

"Hey, armour, I can take it, remember?" Tony said.

"Tony **don't.**" Hulk repeated fiercely.

"I don't think he's impressed by your antics." Natasha commented sweetly. Hulk actually grinned at her. She liked to use him as a springboard, leaping off his shoulders and out of his arms to take down the bad guys.

"Movie on, no talk." Hulk rumbled. Everyone of course fell silent.


	5. Chapter 5

Star: I own nothing!

Hulk stuck around until the credits rolled on Monsters Inc. He gave a mighty yawn and began to shrink. Bruce watched the process, fascinated. He could hear the sounds of muscles and bones shifting and popping into new positions. He'd seen footage, but nothing compared to actually being able to see it happen up close.

Loki was breathing heavily, eyes wild and afraid as he looked around, trying to regain his bearings. "Not so fun, losing control over yourself, is it?" Clint taunted. Loki's head came up and he started to glare, looking a little green around the edges.

"You don't want to do that right now." Bruce said. "You get mad right now and you're just going to lose control again, you know that, don't you?" Loki blanched, his breathing speeding up again. The greenish tinge to his skin didn't go away, and it was clear that he was beginning to panic, able to feel his control waning. "Okay, I'm going to try to help."

"Why, just let him Hulk out." Clint said.

"Hulk comes out now, he's going to be grumpy." Bruce replied.

"Think toddler tantrum, except the toddler in question can break buildings." Tony added.

"Alright, now I want you to listen." Bruce continued gently, kneeling in front of Loki. "Close your eyes." After a moment Loki obeyed. "Now, I want you to match your breathing with mine, focus on nothing but your breathing."

He began to breathe in and out, deep and slow. After a moment Loki began to breathe in the same way, his breath hitching every few breaths and coming faster before Loki could regain control. Everyone else was completely silent, which Bruce was grateful for.

Finally Loki seemed to have it under control. "Okay, you can open your eyes now." It was disconcerting to be looking into his own eyes, but Bruce tried for a crooked smile anyways. "See? Not so hard, is it?" Loki's mouth twisted into a wry expression.

"And what are you going to do with me now?" He demanded. "Throw me back into the cage?"

"Not advisable." Coulson said.

"Hulk understands what is going on, putting him back in the cage may be seen as a breach of trust, and we would rather avoid that." Steve said.

"Congrats asshole, you get to graduate up to a real room." Tony said, raising his soda in a mockery of a toast to Loki.

"Let's try not to piss him off." Natasha muttered.

"He's probably tired anyways." Bruce said. "Right?" He asked Loki. Loki nodded reluctantly. "Come on, I'll find you a room to sleep in." He gripped Loki by the arm, taking care to be gentle, and helped him to his feet. "I'm going to put you close to me." He said quietly. "That way if you're starting to feel out of control, you can come to me for help."

"And why would I do that?" Loki said, allowing himself to be led into an empty bedroom.

"Because losing control is freaky and I am the only one who knows how to deal with it?" Bruce asked, shaking Thor's long hair out of his face. "Go to sleep, you'll probably wind up passing out soon anyways."

Loki snorted but laid down on the bed. Bruce closed the door and walked back down the hall. "I gave him the room next to mine, so that I can have quick access to him if he starts to feel out of control. Also, if the Hulk comes out, he'll be able to find me easier." Bruce explained, pushing his hair out of his face again.

"I have scrunchies." Thor offered.

"Why do you have scrunchies?" Clint asked.

"Lady Darcy gave them to me, they are most delightful." Thor said with a grin. "I shall fetch one for you." He bounded out of the room, seeming to have adjusted to his body enough not to trip over himself.

"Somehow it doesn't surprise me that Thor likes scrunchies." Tony said.

"He lets Darcy do his nails when she's around." Natasha said with a shrug.

"Oh, thank you for the reminder, I need to contact Dr. Foster." Coulson said, finding his cell phone.

"Darcy will get a kick out of this situation." Clint said with a wicked grin.

"We need to make sure she knows to keep the situation off of social media." Coulson said. "We don't need the world knowing that the Avengers are sitting ducks right now."

"Like they're not going to figure something out with a new team taking care of the bad guys for us." Tony scoffed.

"With us silent it's just as likely we're taking care of business somewhere else, it's that misdirection that will make people think twice about attacking." Natasha replied.

"I can make up a cover story, say Tony's overseas." Pepper offered.

"You could mention that Doctor Banner went with him, for scientific purposes." Steve suggested.

"That would work nicely." Bruce agreed. "Won't the public need pictures as proof though?"

"Photoshop." Clint and Natasha said in unison.

"Ahh, the wonders of the future." Steve said, voice heavy with humour. Tony laughed and ruffled Steve's hair.

"So, Loki's got run of the Tower?" Pepper asked.

"Just the living quarters, like hell I'm letting him anywhere near my lab." Tony said. "No worries, Pepp, if he gets out of hand we smack him around some and the Hulk comes out."

"I'm trying to understand what my life has become when hearing that the Hulk will come out is actually reassuring to me." Pepper sighed. "I'll set up something for Tony and Bruce in the morning."

"Thanks, Pepp, you are wonderful." Tony said, blowing a kiss at her. Pepper just shook her head at him and sat back down on the couch. "So what does everyone want to do now, 'cause I'm not sure about the rest of you but I'm too hyped up to think of sleeping any time soon."

"I vote Mario Kart, because it will be funny as hell in our new bodies." Clint said. Thor came back and dropped an electric lime scrunchie in Bruce's lap.

"Thanks, Thor." Bruce said, tying his hair back.

"The pleasure is all mine." Thor said with a bright grin, which, honestly, was kind of creepy to see on Loki's face.

"How come you're not tripping over yourself, Blondie?" Tony asked. Thor shrugged casually.

"One of Loki's favourite tricks was to transform others when we were younger." He explained. "I got used to adjusting quickly to different bodies. I wish his tricks were so innocent still." He sighed heavily.

"Yeah well, if wishes were fishes." Clint grumbled. He hated having Thor talk about Loki like this. "Come on, let's play a game."

Tony, Clint, Thor and Steve take the first game, which is always entertaining because Clint likes to play dirty, and video games are where the vocabulary Steve learned in the army comes out in full force. Tony fell off the couch in surprise the first time he heard Steve call Bowser a 'cock-munching asshole'. Thor just had a tendency to fall off things and Tony was… Tony.

"Come on, a geriatric grandma can race better than you." Tony taunted, his character swerving out of the way of a badly aimed green shell. "I could do this, and reprogram the armour and still beat all of you."

"What's that Stark?" Clint asked, firing off a blue shell at Tony and racing past him to finish first. "I can't hear you over the sound of your complete and utter defeat!"

"Shut up Hawkass, I'm sure you cheated." Tony groused, coming in second. Thor managed to overtake Steve to come in third and Steve gave up his controller with a muttered curse to Natasha.


	6. Chapter 6

Star: I own nothing!

Clint rolled out of bed early in the morning and stretched himself out. He paused for a moment, feeling aches that he didn't remember getting and then got a look at himself in the mirror. Coulson's face stared back at him and he snorted as he remembered what had happened the day before. He winked at himself in the mirror and got dressed, humming to himself.

He sauntered out to the kitchen and got a couple of pans on the stove. One of the things that surprised everyone, barring Natasha and Phil of course, was how good Clint was at cooking, especially breakfast. He'd been unofficially placed into the role of breakfast cook for ever and always. Everyone else took turns cooking dinner. Lunch was a free for all most days.

He got started with some bacon, which was a favourite of everyone except Bruce, who was vegetarian. Then he got started on a massive batch of pancakes, because seriously, the people around here could put it away. Watching Thor and Steve eat was like watching a train wreck in slow motion, you couldn't look away.

He whistled to himself as he worked and turned as he heard someone moving around behind him. "Tasha, I can actually hear you for once." He grinned. Tasha glared at him and called him a moron in Russian. "So, I think Phil's starting to get arthritis in his knees." Clint told Tasha in a conspiring tone of voice.

"It would not surprise me, he's been with SHIELD for how many years?" Tasha replied, taking a piece of bacon from the plate already made and biting into it. "He's not that young anymore, you know?"

"I know, but you'd think he'd say something." Clint grumbled.

"Why?" Tasha asked. "He might get taken off active duty that way. You know none of us are very good at admitting when we're hurt, you especially."

"Aww, I forget to tell you about one little concussion and you never let me forget it." Clint groused. "First stack in front of you is blueberry." He said, sticking a steaming pile of pancakes on the table. Tasha wandered over to the fridge and got out syrup, chocolate sauce and whipped cream. From the cupboard she found Nutella, which was Thor's favourite after Darcy had introduced him to it.

One by one the others wandered into the kitchen, lured by the smell of pancakes and bacon. "Tis a wonderful morning!" Thor boomed, which didn't have quite the same effect as usual. Clint had to keep himself from flinching at the sound of that hated voice. Wasn't Thor's fault he was stuck in his crazy brother's body.

The aforementioned crazy brother didn't seem to be willing to make an appearance. Bruce looked around for a moment and then sighed. "I'm going to go get him." He announced. "My body hasn't eaten since lunch yesterday and being that hungry agitates the Hulk."

"Let the Hulk come, we like him better anyways." Tony mumbled.

"We do want to know if Loki can reverse this." Coulson reminded them all.

"And if we can't can the Hulk come out?" Clint asked.

"Maybe." Coulson replied. Bruce left the table, heading towards the bedrooms. "What are our options if Loki does not know how to reverse this?"

"I could get my mother involved." Thor offered. His hair, or rather Loki's hair, was soft-looking and wavy as opposed to being slicked back. "She also may be able to get Loki to cooperate some."

"Not your dad?" Tony asked.

"No, there is much… friction between them." Thor said.

"I understand that." Tony muttered. Did anyone in this team not have parental issues? Clint didn't think so.

"How is this going to work though, since Thor's got Loki's power, is he going to have to like instruct Thor through this?" Steve asked.

"Most likely, yes." Thor said. "Tis unfortunate now that I paid more attention to learning to fight than learning magics, but then it has long been considered to be women's work." He grinned sheepishly at Natasha's look. "It is not a view held by me, a woman can work at whatever she chooses and no one should begrudge her that right."

"Doctor Foster and Ms. Lewis should be in soon." Coulson reported as Bruce led out Loki. The god of mischief glared at them all, daring any of them to make a comment. Thor eagerly made room at the table and pushed a stack of pancakes and bacon at his brother. Clint heard Bruce suppress a groan; hopefully Bruce's body wouldn't crave meat after they'd all gotten their correct ones back.

They all ate silently for a few minutes and then Steve wiped his hands on a napkin and braced his hands on the table. Clint recognised the look on his face. It was the 'we're about to have a serious talk about something that people aren't going to like' look. Usually it was a look reserved for Tony.

"Loki." Loki looked up, eyes narrowed suspiciously. "I know that this isn't comfortable for you, as well as us, so we are hoping that you will be able to help in figuring out how to undo this." Loki was silent for a long moment.

"You do realize the longer you're stuck like this, the longer you're stuck with us." Tony volunteered.

"Unfortunately I do not know exactly how this was accomplished." Loki said. "My dear brother," He shot an annoyed look at Thor. "Interrupted my spell and obviously altered it."

"Can't you work backwards from the spell you were intending to use and figure it out from there?" Tony asked. "Hey, it's science right, you can do that with science."

"Perhaps, but magic is quite complicated, you make the wrong gesture with the words and you get a different result." Loki said. "With Thor at the helm, I'm not sure I trust any sort of magic he might do."

"Not even if you instruct him?" Bruce asked. Loki snorted derisively at the notion.

"I can learn." Thor said defensively.

"I recall days of lessons that were interrupted by your boredom." Loki retorted. Thor stuck his tongue out at Loki. "Ahh, a most intelligent rebuttal. Not that I expected anything less."

"Thor also suggested getting your mother involved." Steve offered.

"She is not my mother, and no." Loki said, crossing his arms. "All that would serve to do is have me locked up again, so I refuse."

"If we call her, you're not going to have much of a choice." Tasha pointed out. "It's not like you can hide from us like you normally would."

"Not to mention JARVIS has been told not to let you leave." Tony added. "So you ain't going anywhere."

"Loki, mother will not tell father of this, if I ask her." Thor said gently. Loki just scowled at him and stabbed at his pancakes.

"**Ms. Lewis and Dr. Foster are arriving now." **JARVIS announced, just as the elevator opened to reveal two sleepy looking brunettes. Thor lit up, the big love-struck fool and bounced out of his seat to greet Jane, who looked taken aback a moment but then grinned sleepily and allowed Thor to hug her.

"Awww, so cute." Darcy cooed. "And the best part is, I'm not going to be kept awake by sexy-times this visit." She laughed. "Am I allowed to-"

"No." Coulson said.

"You didn't even let me finish." Darcy whined.

"Whatever it is, I know it's a no." Coulson replied. Darcy folded her arms and pouted. Loki made a disgusted noise, since Thor and Jane were now in a very intense lip-lock, like usual, and got up from the table. Jane zeroed in on him and her eyes narrowed. Ooh, someone had read the debrief well. She marched right up to Loki and slapped him, hard, right across the face.

"That's for New Mexico, and New York." Jane declared. Loki gaped at her for a second before his expression turned thunderous and he expanded rapidly, turning green. Jane took a step back from the Hulk; Clint remembered then that neither she nor Darcy had ever actually met the Hulk. The Hulk looked down at her, cocking his head curiously.

"Pretty lady smack puny god?" He asked, rubbing his cheek. "Pretty lady hit hard. Hulk like."

"This is the lady Jane, my beloved." Thor said. "And her assistant, Darcy."

"Hi big guy!" Darcy said cheerfully. Hulk looked down at the two of them for a moment before turning and walking back to the breakfast table.

"Hulk hungry." He declared. Clint sighed and started a new batch of pancakes.


	7. Chapter 7

Star: I own nothing!

"And here I thought watching Thor eat was insane." Darcy commented. "How many pancakes is that now?"

"I don't know, but I'm out of eggs." Clint commented. "Sorry big guy, but you're cut off."

"Okay." Hulk pouted. "Hulk stay?"

"Yeah, why not, like you better than Loki, anyways." Tony said. Hulk grinned.

"Puny god get angry easy, not like tiny Bruce. Tiny Bruce good." He said.

"Tiny Bruce good, even though Tiny Bruce doesn't let you out a lot?" Bruce asked.

"Hulk protect." Hulk shrugged. "Sometimes tiny Bruce not need protect but still angry. Confuse Hulk. Tiny Bruce know better."

"Oookay." Bruce said. "Huh. You understand a lot more than I thought you did."

"Hard think when Hulk mad. Easy now Hulk not all time angry." Hulk replied. "Movie?" He asked hopefully.

"Sure, what do you want to watch?" Steve asked.

"Robot!" Hulk said excitedly.

"Wall-e it is then." Tony said. "JARVIS, queue it up."

"**Of course sir." **JARVIS replied.

"Jane, babe, talk science to me, how's that paper of yours going?" Tony said. Jane lit up happily and she began to babble in what Darcy affectionately called techno-babble. Darcy wandered over to the TV and sat down beside the Hulk.

"Hey big guy." She said cheerfully.

"You Darcy." Hulk rumbled.

"Yup, that's me. Never got to meet you before." Darcy said.

"Tiny Bruce know, Hulk sort of know." Hulk said.

"So, can you access his memories?" Darcy asked.

"Hulk dream he tiny Bruce." Hulk replied.

"I think what he means is that he's sort of sleeping when I'm in charge, but some of what I do gets through." Bruce said. Darcy had to remind herself that it was Bruce, and that the kind of scary dark-haired dude hanging all over Jane was Thor and not Loki.

"So what do you think about all this?" Darcy asked.

"Magic stupid." Hulk grumbled.

"With you there, big green." Darcy said, patting his arm.

"Watch, robot have bug friend." Hulk said, pointing at the TV.

"How many times has he watched this?" Darcy asked Bruce.

"A few." Bruce admitted. "Seems to calm him down after a battle, you know?"

"Disney as a soother, I can see it." Darcy agreed.

"We've learned to avoid movies where the mother dies." Steve said. "Seems to strike a chord in him."

"Aww, big green's a momma's boy." Darcy cooed. Hulk grinned at her and then turned back to the TV, completely enraptured.

"Wow, he really does like Disney." Darcy commented to no one in particular. Jane and Tony were drawing things on the kitchen table again. "You gonna stop them?" She asked Steve.

"So long as they're using dry-erase markers, it's fine." Steve replied with a shrug.

"How are you gonna get back to normal?" Darcy asked.

"We spoke to Loki already, and he is wary of trying to undo the spell with Thor in control of his magic." Steve explained. "We're planning on calling Thor's mother."

"Puny god not like." Hulk growled.

"Loki feels that involving Asgard in any way will mean a trip back to prison for him." Clint said. "Which didn't work out the last time so well."

"No kidding." Darcy agreed. "Not really sure why he's worried then."

"It would be inconvenient." Clint said sarcastically.

"Of course." Darcy said. "Bringing Thor's mom here, huh? Jane can meet the parents finally, god only knows it's about time. Surprised the woman isn't pregnant yet?" She rolled her eyes.

"They are rather… vigorous." Steve offered.

"Ha, they could probably bring down the building if it wasn't built to the Hulk's specifications." Darcy replied. Clint snorted with laughter. "You know I'm right."

"Didn't need the mental image though."

"Thunder god loud." Hulk offered.

"Yup, I know." Darcy said, patting his arm. Hulk turned back to the TV again. "So why Thor's mom and not his dad?"

"My mother is the more skilled in magic, and she is more likely not to make Loki angry." Thor said, coming over to sit down.

"Jane getting too into her science?" Darcy asked.

"I do love my Jane's passion." Thor sighed, the lovestruck loon.

"Yes, we all know." Clint said, rolling his eyes. "Just no sex right now."

"We have already agreed and Jane has forbidden such activities." Thor replied. "She says it would be creepy."

"It would be creepy." Darcy said. "You look like your crazy brother who destroyed our town and then New York."

"Yes, he's quite… unbalanced." Thor agreed. "He is still my brother though."

"Doesn't mean he's not batshit insane." Darcy replied. "I got this cousin, we call him Crazy Tom, he's still family, but he's in the clink for trying to do things to goats and everyone in my family thinks he's crazy but if he showed up on my doorstep I'd still help him."

"Goats?" Steve asked.

"Don't ask." Darcy said. Steve looked mildly horrified.

"Man, I like you a lot, why aren't you here more often?" Clint asked.

"Because Jane still hasn't accepted Tony's offer to live here, and I gotta be with Jane, because otherwise she forgets to eat and sleep and bathe and is generally just a failure as a normal human being." Darcy said. "And I'm about the only who's able to put up with her, kinda like Pepper with Tony."

"We put up with Tony." Steve said defensively. "We like Tony."

"Speak for yourself." Natasha muttered, but she was smiling all the same.

"Yeah, now, but Pepper and Rhodey used to be like the only ones who didn't want to kill Tony just being around him too long." Darcy said.

"He is a bit of an acquired taste." Steve chuckled. "He and Jane get along nicely."

"That's 'cause Jane doesn't put up with his shit and Tony wants to keep her around to talk science, so he plays nice with her." Darcy explained.

"SHHH!" Hulk admonished. "Movie."

"The Hulk has spoken." Clint said. Darcy snickered quietly into her hands.


	8. Chapter 8

Star: I own nothing!

The Hulk turned back into Loki as soon as Wall-e was done. Loki bolted from the room and Thor rose to follow him, concerned. "Leave him." Bruce said, placing a hand on his arm.

"But-" Thor protested.

"He'll be fine." Bruce assured him. "Hulk's tired and he's going to be working hard at keeping him down anyways. If I understand your brother correctly, he's going to be feeling pretty mortified at the loss of control."

"I wish to assure him." Thor replied.

"He won't react well to that." Tony replied.

"Why is that?" Thor asked.

"He'll feel like you're pitying him, and that's the last thing he wants." Natasha explained.

"I fear you are right." Thor admitted with a sigh. "What am I to do about him?"

"Give him his space." Bruce said with a shrug. "That's all you really can do."

"Do you have any idea of how he's feeling right now?" Thor asked.

"There's a saying, the first time is always the worst." Bruce started, sitting down and scratching at his beard. He was wearing a pink polka-dotted scrunchie today. Thor didn't think that Bruce put much thought into which scrunchie he used, unlike himself, who chose his hair accessories with as much care as he afforded to his battle armour.

"But…?" Tony prompted.

"Doesn't apply to the Hulk." Bruce said. "First time is bad, but after you start to think about what you can do to prevent it from happening again, and you think that it will the only time, but it happens again, and again, and waking up every time is worse because you think you really think you had it down pat and you hate yourself a little more each time with no memory of what has happened to, or who you've hurt."

"So, every time the Hulk is let out, Loki will become more afraid?" Thor asked.

"If he's afraid he's more likely to help." Natasha commented.

"I don't think we should wait for him to get that scared." Coulson replied. "We should get your mother involved as soon as possible."

"What's best, letting Loki know we're bringing her into this, or having her show up and surprise him?" Natasha asked.

"Neither, I should think." Thor admitted. "Either option will prompt yet another Hulk incident."

"So, do you want to call her right now?" Darcy asked.

"Sooner is better." Tony said. "Seriously, bras suck."

"Funny I don't think I've actually seen you wearing one yet." Natasha commented.

"Pepper tried, but I took it off again." Tony said. "Whoever came up with those things are sadists."

"Little different being on the other side, Stark?" Natasha asked sweetly.

"You're a heartless harpy." Tony accused.

"Damned by faint praise." Natasha said calmly in reply. Tony grumbled at her, but Thor had long since learned that it was how they showed affection to each other. He didn't claim to understand why, but it made him glad to see his shieldmates got along so well; especially when they'd had so much trouble in the beginning.

"Can you call her now?" Coulson asked.

"I can try." Thor agreed. He walked out to the balcony, where Tony had his platform to take off his armour. He took a deep breath and shouted up at the sky. "HEIMDALL! I WISH AN AUDIENCE WITH MY MOTHER! AS SOON AS SHE IS ABLE, PLEASE HEIMDALL."

He then walked back in the house, knowing Heimdall would have heard him. His mother would come, or not. "I have submitted my request to Heimdall, that is all I can do." Thor told his companions.

"That's all we can hope for." Coulson sighed.

"It may be some time, she is the Queen, after all." Thor explained further. "Heimdall will have heard me, and he will pass on my message to her, make no mistake of that."

"Well, I guess we can all do whatever we want until she comes around." Steve said.

"Yup, if you need me I'm going down to the workshop." Tony said. He waved goodbye and sauntered to the elevator, tripping only once.

"It'll be interesting to see how he deals with my period." Natasha commented nonchalantly as soon as Tony was gone.

"Oh god, are you due?" Clint asked, starting to laugh.

"In a few days, yes." Natasha replied primly.

"Oh god, he's going to be whinier than ever." Clint said, shaking his head. Jane had told Thor all about the intricacies of female reproductive anatomy the first time he'd found bloodstained underwear in the laundry and demanded to know how she'd been hurt. To his knowledge Asgardian women didn't have to deal with such things and he thought it a cruel trick for evolution to play on the mortal women.

"Ooh, Tony Stark has his period, there's a headline." Darcy laughed. "Hey muscles, can you actually use any of your brother's powers?" She asked, digging her elbow into his side.

"I would not try it." Thor told her. "It's all too likely I would make a bigger mess. Magic requires years of study and practice, and Loki had infinitely more patience than I ever did for such studies. Now I wish I had paid more attention."

"Hey, magic's not your strength, just like math isn't my strength." Darcy said, patting his head. "Nice purple scrunchie by the way."

"You gave me that one." Thor informed her.

"Oh yeah." Darcy grinned. "Nice to know you're putting my presents to good use."

"You gave them to me, of course I would." Thor said, shocked that she would think that he would not put something she gave to him to good use.

"Well, most guys would think it's too girly." Jane said, coming and nuzzling into his side. She didn't look quite so small next to him as she usually did.

"I am a man, therefore anything I choose to wear is men's to wear." Thor declared grandly.

"He also lets us paint his nails." Natasha commented.

"Uh! And you never told me?" Darcy said, looking offended. "I have so many good colours of nail polish and we could have dolled him up to make him look pretty too." She cocked her head, looking at him critically. "You know in this body you'd probably look really hot in a dress."

"Why would I not look hot normally?" Thor asked.

"You'd be hot in anything in your normal body, but you wouldn't be everyone-question-their-own -sexuality hot." Darcy explained.

"Ah, I see." Thor wasn't entirely sure he understood, but that often occurred when he spoke to Darcy. "Will you do my nails now?" He asked.

"Oh my god, yes!" Darcy crowed excitedly, leaping off the couch and running from the room.

"She really likes to doll guys up." Jane said. "One of her previous boyfriends refused to let her and she broke up with him." Darcy came running back.

"Okay, so I'm thinking something in purple or green, no scratch the green, I think this body sees too much green as it is." Darcy said. She held out two shades of purple for him, one a deep rich purple and one pastel shade. "What do you think, muscles?" Thor pointed to the dark purple. "Good choice." Darcy grabbed his hand and began to apply the base coat. Jane snuggled deeper into his side and he let out a sigh of contentment. He really did love his mortal friends.


	9. Chapter 9

Star: I own nothing!

It didn't take too long for Thor's mother to show up. Natasha estimated that about four hours had gone by since Thor had put out the call; the time was judged by how far they had gotten in the Lord of the Rings. They were midway through The Two Towers when the light of the Bifrost appeared out on the balcony.

She got up languidly, as Thor bounced excitedly out onto the balcony to greet his mother. Clint sometimes referred to Thor as a golden retriever, which Natasha had to agree was pretty accurate. Thor's mother looked taken aback a moment, probably startled to see Loki bouncing towards her like an enthusiastic puppy, but she quickly recovered, allowing Thor to hug her.

"JARVIS, tell Stark to get his butt up here." Clint told the AI. "He can't wiggle out of seeing Queen Mom."

"**Shall I employ the cattle prods if he is uncooperative**?" JARVIS asked.

"JARVIS, you're a computer after my own heart." Clint grinned.

"**I live to please."** JARVIS replied sarcastically.

"Only Stark would make a bitchy computer." Clint said to Natasha.

"**May I remind you, Agent Barton, that I can control just about everything in this Tower?" **JARVIS said idly.

"Hey, don't be ragging on the J-man, he's awesome." Darcy said.

"**Thank you, Miss Lewis, as usual, your words warm my CPU chips." **JARVIS said.

"I really want a JARVIS of my own, do you think Tony will make one for me?" Darcy asked.

"Knowing Iron Ass, not a chance." Clint chuckled. Thor led his mother inside, looking bright and excited at the thought of introducing his mother to his new friends finally. Not exactly the ideal way to be introduced, but they never seemed to do anything conventionally anyways.

"I must say, this isn't as much of a surprise as it maybe ought to be." The AllMother was saying as she walked inside. "Loki does like his tricks."

"Yeah, well, this one kind of backfired." Clint said grouchily. Natasha smacked him over the head, scolding him in Russian. The Lady Frigga smiled slightly, and Natasha remembered the AllSpeak, which was annoying, to say the least.

"Tasha…" Clint whined.

"What my companion means is that Loki did not mean to switch Thor, and it did not just affect the two of them, it affected all of us." Natasha explained. "My Lady." She added, bowing her head when Frigga turned to her completely.

"Frigga is fine, you are all Thor's companions, I think that titles are not necessary here." Frigga said. "Loki is here?" She asked. "

"Yes." Coulson said.

"Locked up?" She asked.

"No, we decided that wasn't good for the Other Guy's stress levels." Bruce said.

"The Other Guy, is that what you call the being that lives inside Bruce Banner's skin?" Frigga asked.

"Whoa, does God Momma have like super vision or something?" Stark asked, wandering out of the elevator.

"No, Thor goes home sometimes, remember?" Natasha replied, rolling her eyes. "I'd really appreciate if you wore a bra sometimes."

"They're awful." Tony whined. Natasha just rolled her eyes at him.

"And yes, the Other Guy is what I call the Hulk, sorry, I'm Bruce Banner." Bruce said, fussing with his ponytail.

"Then, by your words, I am guessing that Loki is in your body?" Frigga asked.

"You'd be correct, ma'am." Bruce said.

"I'm guessing he's not all that happy with the situation." Frigga said.

"None of us are." Coulson replied blandly.

"I'm a woman! No offence, but I kind of like being able to pee standing up." Tony said at Natasha's look.

"I am guessing that Loki himself does not know how to fix this mess?" Frigga asked. Straight to the point, Natasha liked her already.

"No, and he is sceptical of my abilities to try and unravel it, seeing as I have his magic for the moment." Thor explained. "I am inclined to agree with him."

"And bringing Odin into this would simply be a disaster." Frigga said. "I am the only one that Loki is likely to work with, even after all this."

"Yes, that is why I asked for you." Thor replied. "He will not be pleased." Thor warned.

"I am sure." Frigga replied. "I would have to look within each of you, to trace the lines of magic, to see how it can be unravelled."

"That sounds completely awesome." Darcy commented from the couch. "Also, I can see where Thor gets his gorgeous cheekbones from."

"Ah, hello, you must be Darcy?" Frigga asked.

"Yup, unofficial Jane wrangler and hopeful future roomie of all these awesome peeps." Darcy said. Frigga smiled at her.

"Thor said that you have a quaint way of speaking." She said.

"The God Mom likes me, kick ass." Darcy ducked behind the couch again. "Jane, get your butt over there, that's Thor's mom."

"Exactly." Jane hissed. There was a sudden yelp and then Jane was pushed off the couch and right into Frigga's sight lines.

"Hello, Jane Foster." She said, smiling gently.

"Um, hi." Jane said.

"So, you are the one who has captured Thor's heart." Frigga said. "Thor has brought me some of your papers. Though the concepts are faintly archaic, your work is very well done."

"Oh, um, well, thank you." Jane said, bowing slightly.

"There is no need to bow." Frigga said, a soft laugh in her words. "I've never seen Thor so enamored with someone, and I am glad he has found someone so talented for himself."

"Aww, you made her blush." Darcy cooed. Pointing it out only made Jane blush further. "Is there something in Asgard that makes you people really good looking, because everyone I've met from Asgard is ridiculously good looking and it's kind of weirding me out."

Frigga was prevented from answering by someone else speaking. "What in the Nine Realms are you doing here?" Loki demanded, coming out from hallway, staring at Frigga.

"I was invited, Loki." Frigga replied.

"By whom?" Loki demanded venomously.

"We needed a solution, since your mother is by Thor's admission one of the best magic users in Asgard, we decided to ask for her help." Steve explained.

"She is not my mother." Loki hissed, starting to look a little green.

"Am I not?" Frigga asked sadly.

"NO!" Loki roared, storming up to her. He expanded rapidly to green. The Hulk blinked down at Frigga.

"Puny god bad." Hulk said softly, or as softly as he could manage. "Should not yell at mother."


	10. Chapter 10

Star: I own nothing!

Bruce was impressed with Frigga's reaction to the Hulk. Most people when confronted by a rapidly growing and green man would run and hide, but Frigga just stood and watched the Hulk. After Hulk had made his pronouncement Frigga smiled and patted his arm.

"Sometimes there are mothers that need to be yelled at." She said. "Not all mothers are good for their children."

"You good?" Hulk asked.

"I try my best." Frigga said. "But I make mistakes, just as anyone does." Hulk appeared to think on that for a moment, his massive brow wrinkling.

"Puny god feel hurt, feel mad." He finally said. "Not body hurt, inside hurt." He tapped his chest. "Tiny Bruce hurt too like that, Hulk feel, tiny Bruce hurt because Hulk too."

Bruce blinked at that and unconsciously stepped forward. Frigga looked at him and nodded her head encouragingly. "I hurt because I wake up and can't remember what happened. I hurt because I think, because I thought that I was a monster, that we were monsters, but we're not, are we?"

"Hulk not monster." Hulk said, sticking his bottom lip out in a pout. "Hulk protect."

"Yes, but I didn't always understand that." Bruce said. "Anger is a secondary emotion, after things like fear, hurt or sadness, so when you come out because I'm angry, it's because you think there's something hurting me, right?"

"Yes." Hulk said. "Hulk protect. Hulk protect… family?"

"Family? Do you mean all of the Avengers?" Bruce asked.

"Yes, Avengers, and Jane, and Darcy, and Pepper." Hulk said. "Hulk protect family."

"Oh my god, that is adorable." Darcy cooed. "I feel so loved."

"Sorry, we've kind of gotten off topic, haven't we?" Bruce said, throwing a sheepish look at Frigga.

"No, no, Thor has told me of your difficulties with your… other self, and this is fascinating." Frigga replied. "Do you think you can let me help you, Hulk?"

"Help Hulk?" Hulk asked.

"I can hopefully get Bruce back in the right body with you, is that what you wish?" Frigga asked. "Or I can see if you and Bruce could be separate, if that is what you prefer."

"No, Hulk protect tiny Bruce, can't protect tiny Bruce outside tiny Bruce." Hulk said.

"And, what does Bruce have to say about all this?" Frigga asked. Hulk's shoulders hunched and he looked at Bruce with big wet green eyes.

"If you had asked me that a few months ago I would have said I didn't want to have him inside me anymore." Bruce admitted. "But now… I understand you a bit better now, and you're not a monster." He said to Hulk. "And I don't know if you could deal with the world all the time, I don't know if you could survive like that, and that's not fair to you, to ask you to be in the world all the time, without being able to escape and go back to being me when you don't want to deal with the world anymore."

"World scary." Hulk agreed.

"I don't know if I can deal with the world anymore without you, either." Bruce admitted. "It's been a little freaky the last couple of days, to be honest, kind of got used to knowing if something bad happened I had you to fall back on."

"Tiny Bruce want Hulk?" Hulk asked hopefully.

"Yes, I want you." Bruce said.

"Good." Hulk said, sounding satisfied. "Pretty lady want puny god back?" He asked.

"Who taught Hulk to use his manners?" Jane wondered aloud.

"Well, it certainly wasn't Tony." Steve said, rolling his eyes.

"I'm not sure now is the best time to try and talk to Loki, but thank you for asking." Frigga replied to the Hulk, patting his arm. "In any case, because of your unique position as being a secondary personality in a single body, I may need to do more work with you in order to figure out how to reverse this spell."

"Hulk help?" Hulk asked.

"Yes, you would have to sit very still, while I use my magic to see the threads of magic in you." Frigga explained. Hulk thought about that for a moment.

"Magic inside Hulk?" He asked. "Hulk not like magic." He added apologetically.

"I imagine not, with Loki running around." Frigga laughed.

"Puny god annoying." Hulk said empathetically.

"From what I hear from Thor his actions are mostly just annoying these days." Frigga commented.

"He likes to bring to life things and make things really big, but he's not done the kind of damage we saw with the Battle of Manhattan since then, ma'am." Steve said.

"See, now that sounds more like my Loki." Frigga said approvingly. "I wonder why his tricks have returned?"

"Don't know, don't much care." Clint said sourly. "Sorry ma'am, I know he's your son, but he brainwashed me, and that's not something I can forgive."

"I understand." Frigga said gently. "And I only ask that you understand that he is still my son, and I still love him."

"Will try, ma'am." Clint said.

"Now then, this might feel a little strange." Frigga told Hulk. A soft glow gathered around her hands and she gripped one of Hulk's hands, going still. The Hulk twitched once, but then was still as well, the only sound in the room his deep breathing.

Finally Frigga pulled away and Hulk shook himself out. "Tickles." He commented.

"Yes, thank you for your patience." Frigga said. "Unfortunately this looks like something that will not be a quick fix. I'd have to untangle the soul's magic from the body's magic and prevent the soul from being lost when it has left the body until I can get it back in its rightful body. I will have to decide what is the best way to do so."

"We didn't expect it to be a quick fix." Coulson assured her. "At least now I've got something I can tell Fury."

"I do not believe I need to involve my husband in this." Frigga said. "Which is for the best."

"Yes, definitely." Thor agreed. Frigga smiled and kissed his forehead.

"I shall do my research, and I shall come back when I know a little bit more." She said.

"Thank you, mother." Thor said, hugging her fiercely. Frigga strode back out onto the balcony and disappeared into the Bifrost.

"I completely forgot to bring out my instruments." Jane muttered, sounding annoyed. Thor chuckled and kissed her forehead.

"Aww, poor Jane didn't get to do science." Darcy teased. Jane frowned and grabbed a pillow. "Hey!" Darcy yelped as she was swatted over the head with it.

"Pretty lady nice." Hulk commented.

"My mother is a very gracious woman." Thor agreed. "I am pleased she is so willing to go behind my father's back to help us."

"I mean she doesn't have to tell him everything she does, right?" Darcy said.

"Nay, but anything to do with Loki would be something that he would want to know." Thor explained. "She is keeping information from him that may be important to him, so she is still sort of going behind his back. I am also glad that Heimdall does not seem to have told my father anything either."

"Puny god not like father." Hulk said, baring his teeth.

"They have their issues." Thor said. Hulk snorted.

"Hulk sleep now." He said. Hulk shrank back into Loki, who bolted from the room.


	11. Chapter 11

Star: I own nothing!

Bruce prepared a cup of tea and headed down the hallway to Loki's room. It was likely that Loki would want him to go away, but it was just as likely that as the only other person who'd had the Hulk in him, Loki might actually want to listen to him. He stopped at the door, hesitated for a moment and then knocked.

"I brought some tea, I always found it helped." He said when he heard nothing from within. The door clicked and Loki peered out at him suspiciously, the sly look way out of place on the face Loki was wearing. "I didn't bring anyone else." Bruce said mildly.

"Good, I do not need Thor's oafish sympathy." Loki muttered. "Well then, come in, I suppose."

Bruce went inside and shut the door behind him. "He didn't hurt her." He commented. "Didn't even try."

"And why would that concern me?" Loki asked.

"She's still your mother, and you ran out of there pretty quick." Bruce explained. "I just wanted to make sure you knew she was okay."

"It matters not, and I did not run because of her." Loki hissed.

"You ran because you thought you had control, but you found out that you didn't." Bruce said. Loki glared at him. "I know how it feels, I'm the only one who knows how it feels. At least in your case he understands things better and doesn't immediately start smashing things up. I used to wake up and turn on the news and see the Hulk's latest work on all the news channels."

"Now the beast is tamed." Loki said.

"The beast just knows a little more." Bruce corrected. "Letting him out more often has given him experience with dealing with things that aren't battles, so now he understands that he doesn't always have to fight. I didn't think it was possible, to be honest."

"But…?" Loki prompted.

"But he's not, he's not just a monster." Bruce said. "I found out that his big goal in life is to keep me safe, protect me."

"The beast does not want to protect me though." Loki pointed out. "He does not like me."

"Well, you've given him good reason not to like you." Bruce replied. "And he wants me back in my own body so he's not going to do anything, not that he could. But that's not what you want to be hearing about, that's not your problem."

"And what is my problem?" Loki demanded, sipping at his tea.

"Your problem right now is you think you've got it under control, and then it turns out you don't." Bruce said. "And you only have a moment to realize that you failed again before it all goes blank and then you wake up and you can't remember anymore and you know you've failed and that what you thought was working didn't work at all."

"I suppose you'd know." Loki said.

"Yes, I do." Bruce said, refusing to flinch. "Must not be nice for a guy like you to have control taken away from you."

"And what does that mean, a guy like me?" Loki demanded.

"You're the puppetmaster, the one who's in control, even when no one else knows it, you're the one orchestrating, the one with all the plans, must not feel good when you can feel that control slipping." Bruce replied evenly.

"You seem to think you know me." Loki hissed.

"Please, you were always the one pulling the strings on the Hellicarrier, remember?" Bruce said. "Plus, Thor talks about you, a lot, doesn't take a genius to put a personality profile together on you."

"Thor talks of me?" Loki asked.

"If you get him going he doesn't shut up until Clint threatens to shoot him in the ass." Bruce replied wryly. "From what I heard the two of you were pretty close." Loki shifted, but didn't say anything. "I mean I've never had siblings, but I do understand the whole sibling rivalry dynamic, but it seems to me that you seem to genuinely think that Thor doesn't like you."

"The oaf does not care for me, he never has." Loki muttered.

"You know, maybe you should talk to him yourself, clear some of this up, because I don't think you're seeing how Thor really sees you." Bruce replied mildly. "But we don't have to talk about that. I do have a thought in my head though, about the Battle of Manhattan."

"And what is that?" Loki asked.

"The spear." Bruce said. Loki went very still. "I really have to wonder, if the spear had us at each other's throats within minutes of merely being in its presence, what was it doing to you?"

"It did nothing to me." Loki spat venomously.

"Alright, alright, don't go green again." Bruce said. Loki's angry expression subsided into something more wary. "I won't press, but I still have my suspicions. If you ever want to talk about it…" He let that hang in the air and got up to leave.

"Why?" Loki asked as he got to the door.

"Why what?" Bruce asked.

"Why offer to speak to me, why speak at all to me?" Loki asked.

"I guess because everyone needs someone, and I'm about the only other person who's dealt with what you're dealing with now." Bruce replied. "Humans are funny, most of us don't like to see others get hurt and not have anyone to help them."

With that he shut the door and left Loki in peace. The talk had gone easier than he expected, but he'd always felt a little out of sorts just after turning back from the Hulk, so maybe that vagueness had loosened Loki's tongue. He tried to decide if he felt bad at taking advantage of that fact and then shrugged, thinking that if Loki had truly not wanted to speak with him, he wouldn't have, out of sorts or not.

"Did you speak with him?" Thor asked, all worried eyes and fidgeting hands. "Is he well?"

"As well as can be expected." Bruce replied drily. "I did put the idea in his mind that he should talk to you a little."

"You did?" Thor asked eagerly. Bruce smiled, Thor's enthusiasm was contagious. "Did he say anything about me?"

"Well, he does seem to think you don't really care about him at all." Bruce said.

"Aye, Loki can be like that." Thor said sadly. "He overthinks everything, and small slights become huge in his eyes. I know he was jealous that I was taking the throne and not he, I know he felt I was the wrong one for the job and in a sense, he is right."

"What do you mean?" Bruce asked.

"I am a warrior, and I am liked by the people, but I know little of politics and diplomacy, Loki is the one who has the tongue for that." Thor said. "My first act as king was going to be to set up Loki as my co-ruler."

"Really?" Bruce asked.

"We've always done everything together." Thor shrugged. "It only made sense to me that we would rule together."

"So why didn't you tell him?" Bruce asked. Thor grinned sheepishly.

"I wanted it to be a surprise." He admitted. "Despite what Loki thinks I can keep secrets when I wish."

"Apparently." Bruce said. "You really love him, don't you?"

"He is my brother." Thor said simply. "Nothing changes that. That does not mean that he must not be made to atone for his crimes." He added quickly. "Make no mistake I will not turn a blind eye to his crimes, but… I will still love him, even after all of this."


End file.
